The Baby Connection to Depression
74Do you allow your baby or toddler to sleep in your room?
Babies alone
The typical American baby lies alone every night in a silent, darkened room. Only when she cries do her parents show up. On the other hand, sometimes no one comes, and she sobs herself to exhaustion. She must often wonder, "Why am I left to face sleep alone?"
I used to think that leaving an infant or toddler alone in her room at night was natural and appropriate if parents wanted a confident, independent-minded child__that is, until I moved to Thailand, where most parents keep their children in the room with them until the child is two or three years old, or is ready for her own room.
In my arrogant, know-it-all manner I recall proclaiming to my Chinese-Thai husband that the Thai way was wrong in that it gave parents no real privacy, and the infant was sure to become a clingy, whiny brat, and a demanding adult. On the other hand, I ventured, the American way of putting infants and toddlers in separate rooms was the thoughtful, intelligent way of fostering emotionally well-adjusted children. However, after having lived in Thailand for 20 years, and over a decade since, returning stateside, I wonder if perhaps I may have been off track.
The American way
One thing that has struck me about my country is that so many Americans suffer from depression. Why is this? Why are we suffering so? Are Americans emotionally wimpy? Are we so profoundly traumatized by Life that we can't handle it without a happy drug?
I know that the answer to the question as to why so many Americans are depressed is quite complex. However, I think I may be on to one piece of the puzzle by stating straight out that I think that perhaps our isolation of babies to a room separate from their parents sends a clear message to baby: "You are disconnected, alone in the world."
Thus, as adults we feel alone, alienated.
The Thai way
I noticed that Thai children were generally secure, content, and calm, as opposed to American children who in most instances behaved in a demanding, tense, and frustrated manner__unless, and only unless, they got their way. But the American child's contentedness tended to be short-lived, and she would be demanding once again to have something new to keep her occupied.
As adults Thais behave in a friendly and calm manner, as opposed to Americans who seem driven, even aggressive. Further, once a Thai has committed to someone in friendship, the friendship is rock-solid. On the other hand, though Americans are seen as friendly and open, the friendliness in many instances is quite superficial, and their friendships are as well.
To consider
I know that I am making a broad generalization here, but I do suspect that if babies were kept in the room with their parents to be fed, changed, cuddled until the parents deemed them ready to separate, they may feel more connected to each other as they journey through life. And because of their feelings of connectedness, they may suffer from depression less often.
Just something to consider.
__authored by Reba M. Armstrong (username "Dancing Water")
Thank you for the feedback! I suspect that a compromise could be struck, but overall, I think that keeping our babies near us until they are ready to separate gives them a sense of security and safety. I do think that serves them well as adults. I certainly would have cherished being closer to Mommy and Daddy when I was a wee one.
Valid observations. But will raising a child the Thai way work in the U.S., and vice-versa? Voting this Up and Interesting.
Interesting...and I think I would have to agree with you...so much is learned in those earlier months and years...things that last a lifetime.
Excellent question. Who knows? But perhaps a modification of the Thai way to fit the American ideal of raising an independent spirited individual may help an American child experience a more positive childhood, thus, enabling him/her to become a more emotionally fulfilled adult. Thank you for your response and support!
I would like to see more fortified bonding taking place between parents and their babies/toddlers. As you commented, so much of what is experienced/learned in those beginning months last a lifetime. Thank you so much for your kind and insightful feedback.
louiseelcross Level 3 Commenter 3 months ago
I have to agree with you.